The power of retreats & the freedom of forgiveness.

Just under a month ago, I went to my third yoga retreat. When preparing for a retreat, I always reflect on what my intention for that retreat should be. During my first retreat, I sought direction and healing. For my second retreat, my goal was to become more present and mindful. This year, the retreat came at the end of a busy spring and summer, which included my son’s graduation and move to college, a beach vacation, and my daughter’s summer camp. Because of our packed summer schedule, I felt my mindfulness had diminished, so I decided my intention would be to continue working on my mindfulness journey. 

However, over dinner on the first night, my yoga teacher asked us to consider what we would like to release during the retreat. Releasing something wasn’t part of my original intention, and this suggestion surprised me. Ever the diligent student, I pondered her request that night. What did I want to release? Was there something I was holding onto that was causing me distress? Yes ~ I wanted to let go of the resentment and hardness I still felt toward those who didn’t help me when I was struggling.

I have never been good at forgiveness, as I was unwilling to absolve those who, in my eyes, had done wrong. It wasn’t until this retreat that I truly explored the definition of forgiveness. The American Psychological Association defines forgiveness as “Willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward an individual who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed one in some way. Forgiveness is not equated with reconciliation or excusing another, and it is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves a voluntary transformation of one’s feelings, attitudes, and behavior toward the individual, so that one is no longer dominated by resentment.” It took me 49 years to realize that forgiving others doesn’t mean excusing their actions. This was a monumental realization for me and was absolutely life-changing. With this new understanding of forgiveness and the retreat experience, I was able to replace the hardness in my heart with softness, which feels incredibly refreshing and freeing. For those who study Buddhism, this is similar to removing or redirecting the second arrow. The first arrow represents the initial painful experience, while the second arrow refers to our response to that insult. It is our response that causes ongoing suffering. I decided that holding onto that hardness was only hurting me, and I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve to continue suffering.

For those who have never attended a yoga retreat, I cannot emphasize enough how special and magical these experiences have been. Each year, I approach with a different intention, and each year, I am amazed to see that intention come to fruition. My first yoga retreat, two and a half years ago, literally saved my life. I made some significant life decisions during that trip because I had the time and space to ask myself what I needed while being in an environment that encouraged self-awareness, self-care, and self-love. I feel so blessed to participate in these retreats and am incredibly proud of myself for recognizing their importance and making them a priority. As I continue my journey of self-care and self-love, I will continue to share these valuable lessons with my clients.