The Epidemic of "What's next?"

Last week, I submitted an application for a marketing grant from a local magazine. I spent the entire week anxious about not being selected as a finalist to proceed to the voting stage. Today, I received an email congratulating me on being chosen as a finalist. The email also mentioned that the proof of our profile for the article would be sent to us soon. I sent my husband a screenshot of the email. He called me, excitedly saying, "Congratulations!" I replied, "Thank you. I can't wait to see my profile." He then asked, "Have you taken a moment to enjoy this and be excited? You've been worried all week, and you just got the news you've been waiting for." At that moment, I realized that as soon as I received the email, I began thinking about what the next email would say and doubting whether I could actually win the grant.

A common topic I discuss with clients who struggle with perfectionism and overachieving is whether they take time to celebrate an achievement before moving on to planning and worrying about the next task. Our culture is centered on performance and achievement, but instead of focusing on one accomplishment, society views each success as a stepping stone to the next big goal. Consider the structure of youth sports leagues. When my oldest was in preschool, we signed him up for the local soccer league. I quickly discovered that while the level numbers originally matched the players' ages, most players "played up" by one or two levels. So, eight-year-olds typically played at level U10 or even higher. Beyond elementary school, children are often quickly moved into more intense "challenge" or "travel" leagues. The academic environment is similar. When I was in high school, only a few AP classes were available, and only seniors took those courses. Now, it's common to see ninth graders taking several AP classes in a year. Where high school students used to take mostly high school-level courses, now, they often take multiple college-level courses each year.

Our society is so focused on outperforming and overachieving that we rarely take time to view a particular accomplishment with pride. Successfully completing one task merely signals that it's time to move on to the next task. Got an A on an algebra test? Okay, but am I ready for my science exam? Accepted into one college I applied to? Good, but what if I'm not accepted to the other schools? Beat my personal record in cross country? That's fine, but I'm still only ranked 4th on my team, so I need to improve.

We need to celebrate our victories. By taking a moment to absorb our successes, we create space in our minds for those positive memories. To ensure our survival, our brain naturally stores negative experiences more readily, so we must actively work to store positive memories. Increasing the number of positive experiences in our memory can boost our confidence and sense of self-worth. This is why a gratitude or "glimmer" practice can be beneficial for mental health.

Our culture makes it extremely challenging to allow ourselves time to feel good about our accomplishments. I encourage my clients to not only make a checklist of tasks but also break down and list components of larger tasks. Checking off completed tasks gives them a small dopamine boost. They then need to take a moment to appreciate and celebrate themselves for completing those tasks, providing a small rise in serotonin. To enhance this, I recommend they share these successes with someone who cares about them and will be proud of them. Receiving positive feedback from loved ones adds a touch of oxytocin (the love hormone). These small neurotransmitter boosts can help improve mood and self-esteem before moving on to "What's Next".

Taking a moment to celebrate my achievement, I've included my MOMpreneur Finalist badge in this post!