The Yoga Mat of Life

I began taking yoga classes eight years ago. Like many beginners, I started in the back corner of the studio—partly to observe the more experienced yogis, but mainly to hide my beginner skills from others. As I continued practicing yoga, my confidence and skills improved. With this growth, I gradually moved my mat forward, initially halfway up against a wall for support with balance poses, but eventually, I found myself in the front row. In the front row, I could concentrate more on my practice and less on my classmates, which in yoga terms, means focusing on your drishti.

Four years ago, I changed studios, and instead of focusing on my mat's position relative to other yogis, I placed it based on whether I wanted a warmer or cooler spot. I had become confident enough to focus on what I needed each day.

Two months ago, I suffered a significant knee injury and couldn't practice yoga for a month. I missed every aspect of my yoga practice. So, last month, I cautiously put on my brace and limped into the studio—straight to the far back corner. Part of my reasoning was that the corner offered two points of contact if needed, as my strength and balance were greatly reduced due to my injury. However, to be completely honest, it was mostly because I knew I would need to modify many poses and wanted to hide in the back with my perceived inadequacy. Over the past few weeks, I've made a deliberate effort to arrive early enough to claim that spot—my spot of ineptitude. My confidence is still too low to place my mat elsewhere, even though I rarely needed the wall during practice.

During my practice this morning, my instructor had us moving around our mats, often facing the side or back. Suddenly, I was back in the "front" row. Despite being very aware of my new position in the studio, while moving through the poses I could manage and modifying those I couldn't, I focused on the joy of simply being there and practicing. It felt amazing to move through these beautiful, strong poses, even the modified ones. I began to accept the modifications rather than feel disappointed or frustrated. While I'm not sure I'm ready to intentionally be in the front of the studio again, I no longer feel the need to hide in the back. Yes, my injury is a setback and it's frustrating, but it doesn't define who I am or whether I can continue to enjoy and benefit from my yoga practice.

Just like my yoga mat, sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone or have life place you back in the front row to begin accepting yourself as you are. Be fully present in where you are and what you can do at this moment. My client, Delaney (all names have been changed to ensure privacy), is terrified of leaving her comfort zone. She avoids advancing in her music or trying out for higher positions in the orchestra because she's worried about the increased difficulty and whether she's good enough for that elevated role. My goal is to help Delaney focus on what she loves and gains from growing in her music, rather than how she appears to others, to feel comfortable being in the front of the classroom instead of hiding in the back. Ultimately, this is our life, and changing where we sit or what we pursue to alter how others perceive us should not even be a consideration.